Solar Joint Stories: The Tale of the Hot-Rodding Harlot
There's Love at First Sight...and Then There's This
There’s a time-honored tradition in the solar joint Doc’s Oasis; the toast. Only it isn’t your normal well-wishing over a tall class of amber-colored ale. The toast is a time to tell stories. To rant, to rave, to regale. Talk of grand triumphs and complete failures. All unfiltered, and all in the company of friends. This is one of those stories.
Thanks for keeping us ladies of the night well-fed, Doc. Nothing like a little sangria to freshen up. Well then, seeing as I got the choice seat and I assume all of you are looking at those sweet jade eyes of mine, how about a real toast?
I want to salute the best man I ever had. This beautiful hound right next to me. Me and Max got big plans and I say it’s time we share them with the class, the big one being that I will no longer be in service here at Doc’s.
Yes I know, I know, you’ll all have to find someone who can give you good head, but trust me, most of your wives are better than you give them credit for.
No friends, lil’ ol’ Texas Red’s making herself Mrs. Max Blick because this beautiful black so-and-so right here made me feel like a real lady the night we hooked up. And if you don’t mind Hubby, I think they should know just how we made it all worthwhile.
“Anything you like sweetheart.” There’s Exhibit A. Knows just the right thing to say whenever he has to say it. Well then, let’s start from the top.
You got me gunning it to a cute one-story shack out in the desert. “Come as you are” was the order and so I did. Same sandals, T-shirt, cutoff. No dresses, no hair done up, just red-furred me and a cherry-bomb of a ‘Stang. When I pull my ride up, there he stands. Big buff sonofabitch, rolling up in denim and suede boots, got a nifty pickup under cover by the house. He climbs in and the moment I get a good look at those pretty blue eyes I know I’ve got something special.
“Well howdy Max.” I says, “If you don’t mind me asking, why’d you call?”
At first he looks at me a little strange, but then I smooth it over. “Just mean a handsome hound like you shouldn’t need to go calling on ladies like me.”
That’s when he leaned in with a line that put my fur on end. “What if it’s the lady of my dreams?” Now, when he says it in that goddamned deep voice of his, whew did it hit. I gave him a little nip and he took that inch for the mile it was worth.
When we finished taste-testing each other, “what you thinking?” was the next question of the hour. He just flicked his shades down and smiled. “Drive a little, talk a little. Learn something about each other before we have our fun.”
Sounded good to me, so I dropped her in Drive, slapped my paw down and went tearing into the desert. Didn’t catch him off guard, didn’t shock him, he just checked me out and pushed his shades back up. After a little bombing, I started the conversation up.
“Since it’s your money and your time, what you into?”
“First I like knowing the ladies I hang with,” he says, “then I figure what we get up to later. The car always part of the gig?”
“Yeah, more or less.” I cut in. “Some guys just like watching me drive, some want to drive me around. Had one guy playing paingod and wanting me to roll over his hand. Him I had to turn down, shit’s just weird.”
“Ever do it while driving?” he asks.
I nod. “That’s where you get the real thrills?”
“I mean it’s fun.” he says all mellow, “Must look fucking hysterical from the outside looking in.”
“You mean when both of us get the ‘oh’ face at 100 miles an hour and we all start looking like demons to anyone standing still?”
The two of us start busting up. “Yup, that’s the one.” Max chuckles. “Or when someone tries to say something sexy and you can’t hear ‘em over all 400 horses. Say, you ever get sick of your lays talking like they’re in a porno?”
Now this was the moment I knew he was a keeper. Because I never get this honest with a stud, and he made me feel like I could tell all.
“OH MY GOD, YES. It’s either that or they start squeaking like a fucking rubber duck. All that ‘uh uh uh’ bullshit, Jesus Christ.”
“How you stay sane?” he asks, that deep ebony drawl all sorts of sweet now.
“Simple.” says I. “Driving a ‘Stang like this the way I do. Pedal goes down, everything goes out the window.” I had eased off a little so I floored my baby to make the point.
“You ever pull stunts with your guys?” he asked. “Real dangerous shit. Jumping gaps, running on two wheels either side?”
I shook my head. “Always been meaning to practice. Not for them, more to entertain myself. The rush is what gets me going. They’re there just to take it somewhere.”
“Want to learn?”
I slam them brakes and look right at him. “When can we start?”
“Afterwards.” he smiled. “And you don’t want to stop learning, right?”
I shake my head, grinning like a school girl. And that’s when he hits me with it.
“One condition: just you and me now, Beautiful. I can show you the ropes, get you driving like crazy. But I want you living with me. Don’t sweat credits and upkeep, I’m a mechanic by day. I’ll take care of paying freight.”
Now, of course, my cynical ass comes on with the classic “what you get out of this?” like I’m bartering. And my man picked the right answer.
“I get the hottest girl in town all for myself, and her pretty little horsepower too. And you don’t just get some skills and security, you get the best damn lay of your life, every night and whenever you want.”
And boy did he prove it! Otherwise, I wouldn’t be Mrs. Max Blick, now would I?
Ah, one last client to tell the good-bad news to. Get over here Martin, we got something to…well shit Sabina, you go girl! Have a good time lovebirds.
Looks like lovin’s safe here at Doc’s with her on the prowl, and don’t you forget it, boys!